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Post by Katrina on Mar 23, 2011 22:29:02 GMT 1
I'm posting two parts of this tonight because part 11 is quite short.
Thank you for the comments!
Part 11
From: Daniel.Granger@Letherbridge.co.uk To: Julia.Parsons@Letherbridge.co.uk
Subject: Zara and Beth
Julia,
I apologise for e-mailing you so late but I cannot sleep and I hope that you will get this e-mail sometime soon and get back to me.
Could you please give me an update on Zara and little Beth’s conditions? I am sorry that I am no longer at the hospital with Beth but I had to return home to be with Lisa and Izzie which I am sure you understand.
I would be grateful if you could keep me in the loop.
Daniel
From: Julia.Parsons@Letherbridge.co.uk To: Daniel.Granger@Letherbridge.co.uk
Subject: re. Zara and Beth
Hello Daniel,
I’ve managed to steel outside for a few moments and check my e-mail. I was just about to send a mass e-mail to everyone to update them as I’ve had a fair few messages now. But as you have given a lot of your time with Beth I thought you deserved an individual response – but don’t get all big headed about being special or anything.
There isn’t much to update with Beth. I’m not sure when you last saw her but there has been little change – neither for the better or the worst so I suppose we should be thankful that she is stable.
With Zara it is a different story. I feel awful telling you this through e-mail when I have seen others in the duration and been able to tell them in person but I haven’t seen you and you do need to know. Zara’s surgery was more complicated than expected and she had to have a hysterectomy.
In better news Zara was able to meet Beth today. It was a beautiful moment.
Julia
From: Julia.Parsons@Letherbridge.co.uk To: Daniel.Granger@Letherbridge.co.uk Cherry.Malone@Letherbridge.co.uk Jimmi.Clay@Letherbridge.co.uk Elaine.Cassidy@Letherbridge.co.uk MrsW.Tembe@Letherbridge.co.uk Karen.Hollins@Letherbridge.co.uk Heston.Carter@Letherbridge.co.uk Simon.Bond@Letherbridge.co.uk
Subject: Zara and Beth
Thank you all for your messages about Zara. You’ll be pleased to know that Zara is now awake as when many of you visited she was sedated. This was understandable given the condition she was in. We will all have to work hard to support her as she deals with everything that is happening. Medically Zara is doing well but emotionally I am not quite sure.
There is little to report with Beth’s condition. All we can really do is keep her in our thoughts and hope that she starts to make progress. For now we should be thankful that she is, at least, stable. Having seen her I can tell you all that Beth is a beautiful little girl but she is very tiny
This evening Zara was able to meet her daughter for the first time. I have a photo of Beth which I will give to the next one to visit for display on the notice board. I feel she deserves her place there alongside Isobel and Bracken & Harper Woodson. Please make sure if is displayed.
I hope that soon we will be receiving visits from Beth at the Mill where we can all make a fuss over her but until that time please stop in and visit both Zara and Beth. I know it’ll mean a lot to them to have our support and friendship.
I hope that you haven’t destroyed the surgery in the time I have been away. Julia
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Post by Katrina on Mar 23, 2011 22:30:07 GMT 1
Part 12
“Good morning baby girl” Zara whispered as her wheelchair was parked beside Beth’s incubator. She couldn’t quite believe that her baby girl was three days old today. It didn’t seem fair that this was only their second day together. Zara felt that she had missed out on so much even though she knew deep down that she hadn’t. She hated the fact that, due to her own health, her visits to her daughter were going to be limited to short periods of time. But she knew that she was still very weak herself and that the pain – both physical and emotional – was still great.
“Did you have a good night last night?” Zara questioned. She knew full well that her tiny daughter wouldn’t be able to give any sort of response but it felt natural to be having this sort of one sided conversation with her. Zara of course already knew the answer to the question. Before entering the bay she had spoken to Alana – one of the nurses – in order to have an update on her daughter’s condition. Zara couldn’t help but find the news a little disheartening. Although her daughter was stable there had been no real noticeable improvements. Beth was still on a respirator and had been given caffeine in the hope of stimulating her breathing reflex. But Zara was fighting to remain positive.
“Well mummy had a good night. I missed you a lot even though I’m not really that far away from you” Zara said softly the moment she had been wheeled out of the SCBU unit she had felt the ache inside of her growing, by the time she had returned to the ward it felt like there was a massive void inside of her. But she tried to tell herself that soon enough she would be home with Beth and she would have her as close as she wanted. Zara looked around the little bay and her eyes came to rest on the information chart at the end of Beth’s baby. With a sigh she realised that here in the ward nobody knew her daughter had a name. She was simply Baby Girl Carmichael. But even so seeing those words in print that the beautiful little baby was her own was enough to take her breath away for a moment.
“Well baby girl, I think it’s time you had your proper name don’t you?” Zara said softly reaching out as best as she could in order to touch the fragile skin on her daughter. She had to raise herself slightly out of the chair to do so which caused her pain but it was worth it. She gently took her daughters tiny hand in her own and smile.
“I’ve always known that you were going to be called Beth. I don’t know where that name came from but it’s always been your name” she paused for a moment thinking “but I don’t know whether I should give you a more formal first name and use Beth as your nickname. I’ve thought of you as Beth for so long it’s hard to attach any other name to you” she looked at her daughter for a moment.
“You look too tiny to be an Elizabeth. The name seems almost too big for you” Zara laughed softly at herself “oh Beth you must think your mummy’s absolutely insane talking like this but I assure you I am normal quite sane and sensible. Anyway I think for now Elizabeth is out of the picture”
“Maybe you should have a name that’s a little bit different. Creative spelling seem to be all the rage. I’ve lost count of how many patients whose names I can’t quite work out the pronunciation of from the spelling but that actually turn out to be normal names. Maybe you’re a little Tabetha? That names reminds me of the little witchlet from that television show Bewitched. You’ve already performed magic on me Beth. You’ve turned me in to a blathering mad woman but more than that you’ve taken hold of my heart so completely and utterly that it can only have been the result of magic” Zara sighed, not sure if she was the creative spelling sort of woman and if she wanted to burden her daughter with a life of having to constantly spell her name to people in order for them to get it right.
“Ok so what about Annabeth? It’s a little bit different but they are two beautiful names but it’s almost as long as Elizabeth. Maybe you need to grow a little in order to fit a name. But I want you to have your own identity in this big world”
“Then there’s Bethany or Bethan. I didn’t expect this to be so hard and we’re only working on your first name. Maybe I should get Julia to bring me in a name book to help me. You need something special and perfect because you are both of those things. I need to get your name just right Beth” Zara sighed hating the fact that she was getting absolutely nowhere. She sat back in her wheelchair letting go of her daughter’s hand and felt deflated.
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Post by Katrina on Mar 27, 2011 21:02:21 GMT 1
Part 13
“Good morning princess” Daniel said softly, as Isobel toddled over to him. The little girl was clad in her pink Peppa pig pajamas and still had her hair tousled from sleep. She flashed her daddy a bright smile and stretched her arms up in order to be cuddled. He willingly obliged her and snuggled her in close to his body. He watched as Lisa appeared in the doorway and gave the two of them a rare smile.
“And you’re sure the two of you will be alright today?” Lisa said quietly, giving Daniel a pointed look which could have caused serious damage. Daniel jiggled Izzie slightly in his arms and placed a kiss on her forehead. Before turning his attention back towards Lisa.
“Of course we’ll be ok” He said, almost more harshly than he had intended. He knew that he should step forward and show Lisa some more of affection but he couldn’t muster the willpower to do it. He hated the situation that they were in. He was never quite sure what Lisa’s feelings were on the subject were. He couldn’t really read her at all and most of their relationship was just a case of going through the motions for him.
“Ok” she said finally stepping towards her daughter and Daniel and she leant in a placed a kiss on Izzie’s head in the same way that Daniel had done. She then tipped her head towards Daniel and placed a kiss on his cheek, she had been aiming for his lips but he had turned his head in a movement so quick she had barely registered it. Daniel felt bad but he couldn’t handle this today.
“See you two later” Lisa said as she stepped out of the house.
“Now Miss Iz, what shall we do today?” Daniel said to his daughter, and gave her a goofy smile. He was never quite sure what came over him when it came to Izzie but she could make him act in the most stupid ways – all in the name of keeping her entertained. “Well I think first of all we should get you dressed”
~
After getting Izzie dressed, Daniel settled down with her in the living room. He hadn’t attempted to put Izzie’s hair up in the way that Lisa would have. He wasn’t the most skilled of hairdresser. His attempts tended to look a little strange and lopsided. He closed his eyes for a second and he felt a little hand being placed on his knee. He looked down to see Izzie looking at him with big innocent eyes.
“Daddy sad” She stated softly, gently patting his knee in a gesture she had obviously seen somewhere else. It was something which would normally have made Lisa laugh and would have made Daniel smile but today all it did was make him want to cry. He squeezed his eyes tight for a second in order to gain control before looking at Izzie again. Her expression was quizzical. “Why daddy sad?”
“Our friend Zara isn’t very well” Daniel said quietly not entirely sure how much Izzie would understand. She was so little and it was almost too much for his brain to process. A look of panic flashed over Izzie’s young face.
“Like Pixie?” Izzie asked, softly, her lower lip quivering slightly. Daniel raked a hand through his hair. He had almost forgotten about Pixie. Pixie had been Izzie’s rabbit who Lisa and Daniel had taken in after their neighbour moved away. After only a few weeks in their care Pixie had started to show signs of illness and try as they might Daniel and Lisa had failed to find a rabbit for even slightly resembled Pixie and so they had eventually been faced with explaining the rabbit’s illness and death to their toddler. Now he remembered that they had used a similar expression then.
“No not like Pixie” Daniel said and lifted his little girl up on to his knee. “Zara’s in the hospital and the doctors are looking after her so she’ll get better”
“We see Zara” Izzie said, nodding her head as if it was already decided. She wriggled on Daniel’s arms and he knew what she wanted. She wanted to clamber down and go in search of her shoes so that they could go. “Zara be happy then” Izzie added as if that would persuade Daniel to go. Daniel smiled at Izzie’s big heart and capacity to love.
“I don’t think so” Daniel said, drawing out the sentence. He knew that hospital was the greatest place to take Izzie and he also doubted that Zara would really be up to seeing the energetic toddler. Besides which Lisa would go absolutely mental if she found out. Izzie’s lower lip trembled again and Daniel prepared himself for what he knew was about to come next.
“see Zara, SEE ZARA, SEEEEEEEEE ZARAAAAAA” Izzie started screeching over and over, twisting her little body in his arms and flinging her arms around. Tantrums were for the most part rare with Izzie but when they came Daniel always felt ill prepared to deal with them and sweeping up his daughter in his arms he decided to go for the easy life.
“We’ll take her a card ok?” He said, knowing that Lisa would have told him off for giving in so easily but he wasn’t in the mood today. Izzie calmed instantly and flashed him a cheeky smile.
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Post by Katrina on Mar 29, 2011 21:44:53 GMT 1
I had to write some more light hearted parts to this before stuff starts getting tough again. So enjoy!
Part 14
“Remember what I told you” Daniel said, hitching Izzie a little bit higher on his hip. Normally he would have let her walk but the hospital was such a rabbit warren he didn’t dare for fear she would slip out of his sight. “We have to be very gentle with Zara” he repeated.
“Yes” Izzie responded, settling in close to him and clutching in her arms a teddy bear and a card. She knew the teddy bear was a present but she wasn’t entirely sure why. Daniel found his way to Zara’s room easily and the nurses barely batted an eyelash to see him there. He saw that Zara was lying in her bed looking pale but he could also see restlessness in her features. He stepped in to the room and she looked at him, her eyes widening in surprised.
“Hello” He said trying to force himself to sound bright and cheery. He had to admit he felt a lot better for seeing her even though she did look so ill. He watched as Zara pushed herself up in to a sitting position, her eyebrows knitting together with the pain the movement caused.
“Hi” She said before turning her attention to Izzie who was nestling close to Daniel, the sight of Zara being quite unsettling for her. “Hello Isobel” Zara said forcing her voice to be lighter and brighter than normal in order to win the child’s trust. Izzie peeked out at Zara.
“Hi-Hi” She said, relaxing a little bit when she saw Zara smiling at her. Daniel walked slowly over to the chair next to the bed and settled himself there with Izzie on his lap. Zara shifted slightly so that she was facing them.
“We bought you a present” Daniel said and gently he nudged Izzie so that she reached out and gave Zara both the card and the teddy. Zara felt her eyes moisten as she took hold of the soft pink bear – her daughter’s first cuddly toy.
“Thank you” Zara said softly and she slowly opened the card which Daniel had quickly scrawled his name in and in which he had allowed Izzie to scribble her name. Zara smiled at that and gave a slight laugh. It felt like such a relief to laugh.
“How’s Beth?” Daniel asked, wrapping his arms just that little bit tighter around Izzie. He wasn’t sure whether Zara even knew about the time he spent with the baby girl but he certainly couldn’t get it out of his mind.
“She’s stable” Zara said after a long pause. She wished she could have said something more positive. Daniel reached out and gently took hold of her hand and squeezed it gently. It was the first physical contact that had had in such a long time and yet it didn’t feel awkward but rather very right.
“Beth?” Izzie speaking brought both Daniel and Zara out of their own thoughts. She was shifting her gaze between the two of them a look.
“Zara has a little baby” Daniel said softly “that’s who we bought the teddy for” he added and saw a look of understanding flicker across Izzie’s face. Zara couldn’t help but smile at the sweetest of the scene but at the same time there was a feeling of pain within her which she couldn’t explain.
“I’m sure Beth will really love her teddy” Zara added feeling her voice shake slightly with emotion and she spent the next moment contemplating the next words that she was going to say. There were say many words she wanted to use but none of them seem right. “I’ll tell her that it’s our special friend Isobel” and her very special daddy she added silently.
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Post by Katrina on Apr 5, 2011 18:17:44 GMT 1
Part 15
“We bought the book you wanted” Julia said brightly as she and Mrs Tembe stepped in to the hospital room. It had been almost three hours since Daniel and Izzie had left and Zara was missing them more than she would have cared to admit.
“Thank you” Zara responded, giving them both a small smile. She was slightly saddened to see that it was Mrs Tembe who had come with Julia for a visit. Of all of the Mill staff it was Mrs T who was lowest on Zara’s list of wanted visitors even lower than the bubblegum princess.
“Hopefully you’ll be able to find something suitable” Mrs Tembe said with a smile as the pair of them took their places on the seats next to Zara’s bed. Julia handed her colleague the baby name book with a smile.
“I used that very book when naming my three” She said with a faraway look on her face as she thought back to the births of Patrick, Liam and Samantha and how she and Mac had discussed names. Zara gave her a grateful smile as she took hold of the book in her hands. Slowly she began to flip through the pages. As she did so Mrs Tembe was looking around the room, taking in everything. She gave Zara a smile.
“Such a lucky little lady your Beth” She said in her warmest tones. A look of quizzical confusion etched itself on Zara’s features as she tried to comprehend just what Mrs Tembe had meant by that.
“What do you mean?” Zara asked finally, not really looking up from her book as she did so. This didn’t really faze Mrs T though she simply gesture around the room with a smile.
“All these cards and that beautiful little teddy bear” she said. “Your little Beth is so dearly loved by everyone” She added finally in order to fully explain her point. Zara gave a sharp gasp and looked up from her book where she was met by horrified worried expressions from her colleagues.
“I’m fine” she said hurriedly which resulted in both Mrs Tembe and Julia visibly relaxing. Zara ran a hand through her hair and looked at Mrs Tembe “What did you say?” she demanded of her and Mrs Tembe gave her a strange look before answering.
“I said that Beth was dearly loved” She repeated and Zara looked back down at the page, her eyes misting slightly. She turned the book towards Julia and pointed to a name which Julia read with a smile before allowing Mrs Tembe in on it. Mrs Tembe gave a knowing smile as if she had known all the time.
“I think she has her name” Zara said with a smile. She played with the name in her mind, testing it out, imagining herself using it in various situations throughout her daughter’s life. It sounded good to her and yet it wasn’t quite as perfect as she wanted it. It seemed just that slightest bit incomplete and she wasn’t sure why.
“Beth Esmé Carmichael” Zara said with a smile. Mrs Tembe nodded approvingly but even speaking it aloud didn’t made it seem right to Zara. But she wasn’t going to tell anyone that. She knew that when the time was right she would find the missing link in her daughter’s name.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 12, 2011 21:36:36 GMT 1
I am so sorry for not updating this for two months. My laptop sadly went wrong and had to be sent away to be fixed and I stupidly did not back up the files for this fic. So I am posting two parts tonight and then hopefully that will get me back on track. I am not abandoning Butterfly but will alternate between the two.
Part 16
“You’ll never guess what I did today” Zara was beaming in her hospital bed when Karen and Julia stepped in to the room. Today Beth was five days old and it was the first time in those five days that either of the older women had seen a genuine smile on Zara’s face. It was a moment that warmed both of their hearts.
“Got to see Beth?” Karen said hazarding a guess. Zara’s smile widened just that little bit more at the mention of her daughter. Julia felt her own mouth twitching up in to a smile.
“Well yes but more than that” Zara responded. Julia and Karen looked at each other trying to pass a message between themselves – but neither could work out what had put a smile on Zara’s face. Zara gave a soft laugh and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“I got to change Beth’s nappy” She announced, giving another giggle which sounded so young and girly. Both Julia and Karen smiled at this – the delight that their colleague experienced at changing her daughter’s nappy was something which amused both of them having changed numerous nappies for their own children. “I swear even though it was nappy designed for a preemie Beth is absolutely swimming in it but I got to touch her and it was just” Zara froze not sure how to sum up how it had felt. For a moment, even though it was brief, she had held her daughter up out of the incubator.
“Just you wait till your change them every few hours” Karen said, remembering the days when she and Rob had literally begged the other to take this nappy and that they would do the next five. She couldn’t remember how they had gotten through it especially when Immie was a newborn and Jack only just potty training. “Well it wasn’t a dirty nappy” Zara admitted quietly “Beth hasn’t actually done anything yet although the doctors are hoping to try her with a little bit formula tomorrow as well as her iv tubes so maybe I’ll get to do a proper nappy change” there was such a hopefully note in Zara’s voice that it really touched both Julia and Karen.
“You’re one of the few people I’ve meet looking forward to a dirty nappy” Julia joked. It felt good to be having a light hearted conversation. Zara laughed at this and she could see it from Julia’s perspective but she was also so glad about these little things in Beth’s life. The little tiny steps that proved her little girl was here and fighting. “And how is little Beth today?” Karen asked. Every time she stepped in to the Mill’s staff room Karen found her eyes drawn to the photograph of the baby girl on the notice board. Sometimes her heart literally ached as she studied the little girl as she wondered even for a brief moment how her life would be different if that was her baby lying there in special care.
“She’s doing good” Zara said with a smile. “The doctors said they are going to try and wean her off the respirator” Zara couldn’t help but feel pleased about this. She desperately wanted to be able to see more of Beth’s beautiful little face without so much equipment covering her face. Julia smiled back at her.
“Won’t that be nice” Julia said crossing her fingers that everything would work out alright.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 12, 2011 21:37:59 GMT 1
Part 17
“Guess who’s a lucky little girl?” Zara said softly as she settled herself beside her daughter’s incubator. Baby Beth had been successfully weaned from her respirator and was managing to breathe by herself. Zara couldn’t help but smile as she was able to take in more of her daughter’s beautiful face than before. As if in response to her mother, Beth flailed her arm slightly. Zara felt tears spring in to her eyes – it was one of the first proper movements she had seen her daughter make.
“Well I’ll tell you, it’s you my little Beth” Zara gave a soft laugh “I bet you didn’t see that one coming did you? I mean a day old baby may have been fooled but you are a grown up five day old so you knew that it would be you and not some other little girl” Zara watched Beth carefully as if expecting another sort of response but Beth remained still save for the gentle rise and fall of her chest.
“Now I have something very special for you” Zara said, she had bought a little bag with her having cleared the items with the nurse of duty. She reached in and pulled out the teddy bear that Daniel and Izzie had bought by. Zara stroked it’s soft fur and smiled.
“This is your first teddy bear. I’m not sure what we should name him but it’ll have to be something good. Your teddy is someone, who like mummy, will be with you whenever you need him. Don’t tell anything this Beth but I still have the very first teddy I was given and sometimes, even now, when I am really sad or really scared I give him a little squeeze. Not very hard because he’s quite old and delicate but even just having him near is comforting. He reminds me of happy times. Of being little and carrying him around with me and having daddy swing us both up in the air and of mummy and daddy tucking us both up in to bed and telling us a story and singing a lullaby. Your teddy will do the same” Zara gently sat the bear on the top of the incubator and smiled.
“and this teddy is from two of our most special friends. Isobel is a beautiful little girl just like you and one day when you’re bigger you too will be able to go to the park to play together. I’m sure Isobel will show you all of the best things to play on and look out for you. And Isobel’s daddy is a special friend of mine. I like him a lot and he’s probably the best boy friend I’ve ever had. I bet you’ll like him too. It would be fun wouldn’t it Beth – the four of us playing in the park together” Zara closed her eyes for a moment imagining before trying to shake herself back to reality. This was stupid. She shouldn’t be fantasying about Daniel like this. Daniel was with Lisa. He, Lisa and Isobel were a family not her, Daniel, Isobel and Beth.
“Would you like to touch her?” Chloe said coming over to the incubator. Zara hadn’t even seen her milling around the room. Zara turned to Chloe and smiled so brightly that Chloe didn’t even bother waiting for an answer. “Go ahead but don’t do it for too long or too often” She said softly. Zara nodded and turned back to her daughter, shakily she opened the little hole in the incubator and reached inside. She gently took hold of her daughter’s hand in her own.
“Beth Esmé Carmichael” Zara said softly “You have your name too. Not quite as good as your teddy but it’s all yours Beth Esmé. We have so much to look forward too little lady. You and Me. Team Carmichael. Zeth. Bara. Us” And the tears rolled down Zara’s cheeks as she felt her daughter’s hand settle around her finger.
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