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Post by Katrina on Jun 5, 2005 10:40:27 GMT 1
Part 1Set some time in the futureShe leaned back against the cold plastic of the bath, her eyes tightly closed, terrified to open them. She knew that when she did, she’d find out her fate. She could feel the plastic stick in her hand. Slowly she opened her eyes, raised her hand slowly, breathing deeply. Please be negative she looked down at the little window. Her head swam. She dropped the stick, it made a dull thud as it hit the tiled bathroom floor. Mentally she scolded herself for being so stupid. She felt too young to have a child. She didn’t want a child. She saw young mums come in to the surgery every day, all looking prematurely aged. Slowly she dragged herself of the floor, picking up the stick in her shaking hand. She unlocked the door and walked slowly and shakily in to her bedroom, she threw herself down on her bed and reached out for her phone, dialling the number of the private abortion clinic she’d found in the phone book earlier that day, someone on the other end picked up “hello I’d like to make an appointment” she waited a second “my names Sarah Finch”
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Post by Katrina on Jun 8, 2005 17:02:57 GMT 1
part 2
Sarah leant back against her pillows, her mind all over the place. She had an appointment for 11:45am Friday, by tea-time it would all be over. She knew she only just had enough money for it but she couldn’t face going through the NHS. If she did it this way, there was less chance of anyone finding out and she didn’t want them to know. She didn’t want the looks, she didn’t want to be branded a ‘baby killer’ she just wanted things to go back normal. She put the stick in her underwear draw knowing no one would look there before standing up and going downstairs. She knew that Helen, Claire and Dan would be home, and she didn’t want them to suspect anything out of the ordinary. She settled herself in a chair and clicked the TV on via the remote control; the black screen came to life blasting out the theme to some odd children’s TV show. The door opened and Claire bounded in
“I swam a whole length” the child beamed and Sarah congratulated her half-heartedly although Claire didn’t notice this. Helen and Dan followed her in, Dan was covered in mud and Helen looked flustered from a busy day at work. Helen looked closely at Sarah for a second sensing something was up but she quickly forgot and went off in to the kitchen to cook tea while Sarah watched TV with Claire and helped Dan with his homework.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 9, 2005 17:50:28 GMT 1
Part 3
The days passed quickly for Sarah before she realised it Friday had come. She had prepared herself for what was going to happen, telling herself that it was the right thing to do. She’d told Mac that something really important had come up and that she really needed the day off, Mac instantly agreed because of the desperation he’d heard in Sarah’s voice. She turned and looked at the clock of her bedside table, 10:55am, she took and deep breathe and carefully climbed off the bed ready to walk the mile and a half to the clinic
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The walk took a lot out of her, by the time she got to the clinic she was breathing heavily with her heart pounding. She eased out the heavy door and gasped as she entered. The reception of the clinic was nothing like Mill Health, the floor was covered in luxuries cream carpet and the walls were very tastefully decorated. She walked slowly towards the desk, a kind looking woman was sat there, and she looked up and smiled, “I have an appointment at 11:45” Sarah spoke softly, the woman looked at her reassuringly
“Miss Finch?” Sarah nodded and the woman stood up, she gently took hold of Sarah’s arm leading her to a room that looked like an office with a bed in it. The woman gently helped Sarah on to the bed before shuffling out. A few seconds later a nurse entered, like the receptionist, she was a kind looking woman. The nurse walked towards Sarah pushing a medicine trolley.
“Ok sweetie, I’m just going to give you your pre-med” the woman began putting some medicine in to a needle, Sarah looked at it intently, it looked like a massive amount. The nurse smiled again
“This won’t hurt a bit” the nurse gently took hold of Sarah’s arm and pushed the needle in. it did hurt and Sarah gasped but she felt her body going limp. She lay back against the thick pillows while the nurse walked out muttering that the doctor would be along shortly.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 11, 2005 17:33:28 GMT 1
Part 4
Despite the drug making her drowsy, Sarah’s mind felt clearer than ever, the fog that had been in her mind since she’d done the test cleared. She hit the emergency button that had been placed by the bed; the nurse bustled in again, looking worried.
“What’s wrong sweetie” the nurse spoke confidently trying to hide her worry, Sarah looked at her “I don’t want this. I want to go home” Sarah spoke in her most confident voice, the nurse looked at her in confusion “You’ll still have to pay for the valium we gave you” Sarah nodded at this, swinging her legs blindly of the bed. She got them on to the floor wobbling for a second before gaining her balance; the nurse helped her to move in to the reception where she handed over Sarah to the receptionist, who smiled,
“I guess I should offer you congratulations” Sarah smiled gratefully and handed over the money for the drug she didn’t want inside of her. She walked slowly and shakily out of the clinic, taking in huge breaths of fresh air. She started the 1 and a half mile walk home, feeling drunk but happy.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 12, 2005 17:39:50 GMT 1
Part 5
The walk back home seemed the take less time, Sarah felt as if she was walking on air. She opened the door to the house and walked slowly upstairs, she lay down on the bed and gently rest a hand on her abdomen where she guessed the baby would be
“Hello little one, I’m your mum and I love you very much” Sarah spoke softly; it felt weird talking to nobody who was visible. Suddenly she felt very tired, she knew it was probably something to do with the large amount of the drug she was given. She allowed herself to give in to the urge to sleep.
When she arrived home from work, Helen was surprised how quiet the house was, usually Sarah was down stairs watching TV or listening to music on the stereo. Helen couldn’t help but feel worried; she had grown rather attached to Sarah in the months they’d been living together. Helen walked slowly and carefully upstairs and gently opened Sarah’s bedroom door hoping it wouldn’t squeak as it did occasionally. Helen slipped inside and smiled at what she saw, Sarah flat out of the bed fast asleep but something else caught Helen’s eye, Sarah’s hand. A smile came to Helen’s lips as she slipped out of the room and went down stairs.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 13, 2005 17:37:26 GMT 1
Part 6
For weeks Sarah kept the pregnancy to herself or at least she didn’t formally tell anyone, the vast majority of her colleagues at The Mill had managed to guess with the help of some unsubtle hints from Helen. It was just after her first scan that Sarah decided it was the right time to tell them. She knew from the midwife that everything was forming correctly which quietened the little voice in the back of her mind that told her something was wrong. She asked all her friends to meet her in the staffroom during the lunch break; she paced around waiting for them, her heart pounding hard in her chest. One by one the rest of the staff piled in to the room all of them looking expectantly at Sarah.
“I’m pregnant” she spoke softly, barely audible but they all heard. In turn they hugged Sarah who blushed with from all the attention. Just as quickly as they’d come in, the doctors left to get ready for afternoon surgery. Sarah went back to the reception desk and was shocked to see a line a presents near the computer, a smile spread across her face. The doctors came out of their rooms and smiled at her
“Thank you so much” Sarah gushed shocked at the display of affection from the people she’d grown so fond of since she joined the staff.
“Open them then” George enthused like a small child at a birthday party. Slowly Sarah started to unwrap the boxes, revelling some little yellow baby grows (works for either gender so they’d said), a teddy bear and some dummy’s from Helen who said ‘they may not be recommended but there a godsend when the baby starts screaming”
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Post by Katrina on Jun 13, 2005 21:03:51 GMT 1
Part 7
By the time she was six-months pregnant, Sarah was told to take early maternity leave as her blood pressure was worryingly high but as her friends told her, it probably meant she just needed a little more rest. Of course Sarah was terrified that something was seriously wrong no matter how much they tried to persuade her otherwise. Helen spent most nights trying to convince Sarah that everything would be fine as long as she relaxed a little bit more.
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It wasn’t until Sarah was nearly eight months gone that there was any indication that something wasn’t quite right. When she went in for a routine scan, the midwife kept moving the scanner over the same bit of Sarah’s large swollen abdomen before turning the screen away so that Sarah couldn’t see anything. Thousands of terrible thoughts rushed through the young woman’s mind but what really worried Sarah was when the midwife called in the consultant, Mr Jacobs, who only ever saw people when something was seriously wrong. Mr Jacobs studied the screen intently before turning to Sarah who was near tears.
“What’s wrong with her?” Sarah pleaded with the doctor hoping he’d tell her everything was fine. Mr Jacobs looked at her, his face stern “I need a closer look but I’m sorry Miss Finch it seems there seems to be a problem with your baby’s heart” Sarah burst in to tears.
“But she’ll be ok right?” Sarah looked at the doctor whose face remained stern.
“As I said I’ll need a closer look but it seems the left side is very underdeveloped” Mr Jacobs turned his head back to the screen, he squinted so that he could see things in tinier detail, he felt the familiar tug of sadness when he realised what he saw on the screen before him. He turned back to the terrified woman,
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Post by Katrina on Jun 14, 2005 18:29:42 GMT 1
Part 8
“Miss Finch, I think your baby has something called hypoplastic left-heart syndrome but I can’t be positive until she’s born” Sarah looked at him, confused. It all sounded like gibberish to her. She turned and looked at the midwife who was hovering at the end of the bed, her face deathly pale, her mouth turned in a frown with tears threatening to spill.
“But it can be cured right?” Sarah looked expectantly at the doctor, one hand now resting protectively on her large belly. The doctor swallowed hard, frowning ever so slightly.
“Our heart surgeon will do a foetal echocardiogram but we won’t know the best course of action to take until she’s born” the doctor looked at her for a second “I think it would be best to perform an elective caesarean. We’ll try to get the baby to full term but she may decide to come early of her own accord” the doctor shook Sarah’s hand softly before turning and walking away. Sarah felt numb all over. She slowly stood up of the bed, she looked at the midwife with whom over the past few months she’d become friends with.
“What are her chances?” the midwife looked at her, before turning and looking out of the window
“there’s a chance there could do a norwood procedure, or they may have to do a heart transplant but for a donor to become available for a baby well”
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Post by Katrina on Jun 16, 2005 17:48:06 GMT 1
Part 9
Sarah walked home in a daze. She didn’t notice anything, from the car whizzing by, to the shouting coming from a house. No time seemed to pass but she found herself out side the door to her home. The door opened just as she began to pull out her key, Claire stood there bouncing up and down. She grabbed hold of Sarah’s hand and led her in to the living room. Sarah gasped with shock as her friends shouted “SURPRISE” covering the room were banners with ‘congrats it’s a girl’ while there was a tower of presents wrapped in pink on the floor. Tears flowed freely from Sarah’s eyes and she fled the room. She went up the stairs as fast as she could; she went in to her room and threw herself down on the bed. The photos from her previous scan were attached to the wall. She couldn’t look at them. She didn’t want to let herself get any more attached to the baby. Her door opened, Helen peeked in to the room, and slowly she entered. Sarah looked at her teary eyed. Helen gently sat down on the bed next to the young woman.
“What’s wrong?” Helen spoke softly; she gently stroked a strand of Sarah’s hair away from her face. Sarah took a deep breath
“The doctor, he said that she’s got hypo something left heart syndrome” Helen gasped, she’d read about hypoplastic left heart syndrome when she’d been a med student. Sarah looked at her friend’s face; her eyes gave away every thing. Helen placed an arm around Sarah’s shoulders, gently drawing the young woman towards her.
“I’m sure everything will be fine” Helen reassured but in her heart she knew that she was probably lying.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:09:46 GMT 1
ok i'm going to post all the remaining parts to this fic now. so then i can really concentrate on Amazing Grace and What If.
Part 10
The foetal echocardiogram was preformed on Christmas Eve of all days; Helen had gone with Sarah to hold her hand. The surgeon, Dr Logan, had tried to be optimistic but his prognosis had been lousy. The baby’s heart was so underdeveloped; her only chance would be a heart transplant. Helen’s heart missed a beat when she heard this; she knew that most babies died waiting for the transplant. Sarah just sat silently listening to the words the doctor said. Baby Finch already had a medical file that was an inch thick.
Helen drove Sarah home that day, she’d arranged for Claire and Dan to stay with her sister Louise because she knew that Sarah would be distressed after this appointment. The two of them went in side and sat down on the sofa just staring in to space.
“She needs a name” Sarah’s words came out of no where. Helen just looked at her, slightly confused.
“I need something special” she reached out for the names book she’d brought a few months earlier. As she flicked through a name caught her eye. She smiled as she mentally said it. Helen looked at her, in a way she didn’t want Sarah to pick a name; she didn’t want her to become any more attached to the baby than she already was. Sarah flicked through some more pages until again her eyes were drawn to a name. The name was perfect. Gently she placed a hand on her abdomen
“Hello Angelina Avari. I’m your mummy and I’m going to make sure you’re just fine”
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Christmas passed with the usual amount of excitement for Helen and the kids but for Sarah it just seemed like a nightmare. All she could think about was Mr Logan and what he’d said. On Boxing Day when both children were tucked up in bed, Sarah went downstairs and sat down next to Helen on the sofa,
“Is there any chance Dr Logan got it wrong?” Sarah looked at Helen, her eyes full of hope. Helen hated lying but she didn’t want to upset Sarah either. The longer baby Angelina stayed inside Sarah the more chance she had.
“I don’t know” Sarah yawned, Helen gently helped her friend upstairs, tucking her in bed.
“It’s all my fault Helen” with that Sarah fell asleep. Helen shook her head softly. She knew the Sarah couldn’t have caused this.
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