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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:10:27 GMT 1
Part 11
It was just after midnight when the first pain hit. It shocked Sarah out of her deep sleep. She sat up in bed, suddenly over come with emotion. It was too early. She gently rested a hand on her abdomen, hoping that it was a Braxton hick’s contraction. “Come on Angelina sweetie, it’s not time to come yet” as the last word came out of her mouth, another contraction hit. Slowly Sarah stood up from the bed, using the table by her bed to balance herself. She walked at the pace of a snail towards Helen’s room. As she reached the bedroom door another contraction hit, Sarah involuntarily cried out, her legs gave way under her causing her to fall to the floor with a thump but none of this stirred Helen, she was a very heavy sleeper. A sleepy-eyed Claire slipped her head round her bedroom door, “Are you alright Sarah?” the only reply Claire got was a pained grunt, Claire ran from her room, opening her mums quickly. The child jumped on to the bed and shook her mum forcing her awake.
“Its Sarah, I think the baby’s coming” Helen went from sleepy to alert in the space of a second. Helen climbed out of her bed, went to the wardrobe and grabbed out a dressing gown pulling it on quickly.
“Claire, go wake up Dan. Tell him to ring Auntie Louise. I’ll take Sarah to the hospital” with that Helen kissed Claire lightly on the forehead before going out on to the corridor to tend to Sarah.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:11:19 GMT 1
part 12
Mr Jacobs was waiting in the Maternity unit for Sarah to arrive. He was looking through two files, the thin one which was Sarah’s and the thicker one that was Angelina’s. His face was stern but his eyes were sad. He’d been hoping that Sarah would have managed to carry Angelina further to term, that way the baby would have a better chance of survival. Sarah was wheeled straight in to the delivery room. The contractions were getting so close together it was getting harder to tell when one ended and the next one began. Helen stayed by her friend’s side, holding her hand. Mr Jacobs examined Sarah, worry passed over his face. He turned to the midwife who was hovering in the corner of the room; he mouthed something before turning back to Sarah.
“Miss Finch, you’re much too far gone for us to do a c-section so we’ll have to deliver this baby naturally” Mr Jacobs looked at Helen, sending a secret message to her with his eyes. “Now Sarah, I know you want to push but you can’t” Mr Jacobs went back to his examination. The midwife stepped forward watching everything Mr Jacobs was doing. She smiled at Sarah.
“Ok sweetie, we can see the head. Can you give us one really little push?” Sarah pushed down as lightly as she could. She could feel the baby’s head emerging. A thin wail filled the air, Sarah strained to hear it. Helen leant forward and smiled as she saw the tiny face of the new born baby. With the next contraction, the rest of Angelina’s body slipped in to the world. Mr Jacobs gently placed Angelina on her mum’s soft tummy. Tears slipped down Sarah’s cheeked as she looked at her perfect daughter. Helen was also captivated by the little girl. Her skin was still a normal colour but she knew that soon it would take on the blue cyanotic appearance of a baby with a heart condition. Out of the corner of her eye Helen saw Mr Jacobs motioning to the cardiac team who were waiting outside of the room, they came in
“Just give her a couple of minutes. They can have that” Mr Jacobs looked at Sarah who was bonding with the tiny baby girl.
“She’s perfect, Sarah. So beautiful” baby Angelina looked up at her mum, with misty blue eyes, Sarah took a deep breath, lifting her daughter up for a cuddle
“Hello darling. I didn’t expect to see you so soon” Sarah gently kissed her daughter’s small forehead, and then the cardiac team rushed the little one way. Sarah promptly burst in to tears. She knew that when they came back she’d know her daughter’s fate.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:11:53 GMT 1
Part 13
Helen knew the second the doctors came back in to the room that it was bad news. If it had been good news on Mr Logan would have come in on his own but with him were the cardiac team and children’s doctor Lucy Jacobs. Sarah looked at them wide eyed; wishing they’d brought Angelina back with them. None of the doctors made eye contact with them, only Lucy gave them a sympathetic smile. Mr Logan cleared his throat
“The damage to is more extensive than we originally thought. The echocardiogram showed that the left side of Angelina’s heart is so underdeveloped, it is incompatible with normal cardiac function, and consequently there is no question of the Norwood procedure being an option. Normally we would proceed to the transplant program, but I am afraid that the regional transplant co-ordinator has refused to accept Angelina as a candidate. I really am very sorry.” Despite not knowing anything about medicine Sarah understood every word the doctor said. The young woman gave one long sob before sagging against Helen. The doctors were denying Angelina the one chance she had. Helen looked at the band of doctors
“What isn’t Angelina suitable for a heart transplant” Helen spoke softly, Lucy took over were Mr Logan had left off
“Because of her low birth weight, she’s only 4lb and 5 oz, well under the 5lb limit, they don’t feel they will find a donor of a suitable size and if by some miracle they did Angelina is too frail to survive the surgery. It’s not in her best interests.” A tear fell from Helen’s eyes.
“How long?” Helen couldn’t help asking. Mr Logan looked sadly at the two women
“A couple of weeks maybe a month. It’s hard to predict” Helen held Sarah closer to her. The young woman’s tears seeped through Helen’s dressing gown.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:12:31 GMT 1
part 14
“I want to take her home” Sarah spoke for the first time since hearing the awful news. The doctors all looked at her then began to whisper amongst themselves.
“If that’s what you want to do, I’ll arrange this discharge papers” Mr Logan turned to leave, with his team following. Before he left the room. He turned back to Sarah “I advise you take her home and love her” Sarah leant back against her pillows and looked at Helen
“Is it ok if I bring her home?” for a second Helen looked a little worried, but then she smiled softly
“Yes you can bring her home. I’ll explain to Claire and Dan and if it gets too much for them, I’m sure Louise will look after them. You just concentrate on your little girl ok”
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A few hours later, Sarah was still laid in her hospital bed, cradling Angelina in her arms. Sarah had stopped crying due to sheer exhaustion. The healthy pink colour Angelina had a birth was rapidly fading, despite the oxygen tube in her nose and the drugs being fed through her fragile arm. Her tiny lips had a bluish tinge and the beds of her fingernails were almost purple. Angelina now looked very much like what she was – a desperately sick baby. Helen had gone to the phone to ring Louise to tell her what had happened. Dr Kennedy, one of Mr Logan’s registrars walked in to the room holding some papers in his hand.
“Logan’s in theatre so I thought I’d bring these” Sarah smiled, gently shifting Angelina to her other arm so she could sign them. Helen came back in to the room at that point smiling at Dr Kennedy. Just as Sarah finished signing, Dr Kennedy reached forward to look at the baby.
“hello little one. She really is beautiful” the doctor smiled “well she’s discharged now but if theres anything you need here’s my number” the doctor passed a slip of paper to the young woman. With that he left.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:13:03 GMT 1
part 15
It felt weird returning home where they’d been less than twenty-four hours before. Sarah settled down on the sofa cradling Angelina in her arms. Sarah tried for the second time to feed her tiny daughter but Angelina had no interest in feeding. Helen could hardly bare to watch, she remembered how wonderful it had felt when she’d returned home from hospital when she’d had Dan. It had felt wonderful. It had been exactly the same when she’d had Claire a few years later but it was so different for Sarah. Really she should still be in hospital but this was no ordinary situation, Sarah deserved as long as she could have with her daughter at home. Helen went in to the kitchen and made two cups of tea, unable to listen to Sarah’s chatting any longer. The new-mum was telling her child how much she loved her and how much she wanted her. Thoughts of how Sarah would eventually cope crossed Helen’s mind. She knew how hard it was to lose someone close, she’d lost two men in five years. Helen had known that Angelina could have died during the death and in her mind; this would have been easier somehow. Never to have seen the baby’s misty blue eyes looking at you, never to have cradled her close feeling her soft breath on your skin. Helen tried to get the thoughts out of her head. She went back in to the living room and sat down with the two steaming cups of tea. Helen looked at the baby girl. She instantly fell in love with the little child. Tears slipped down Helen’s face. Sarah turned to her; hastily Helen wiped the tears away
“it’s ok Helen, me and Angelina don’t mind if you cry” Sarah looked down at her tiny daughter, imprinting the little girl’s perfect face in her mind ready for a time when the memories would be all said had. Gently Sarah passed Angelina over to Helen who smiled as she cradled the little girl.
“How can I do it Helen?” Sarah looked at her friend “how can I sit around waiting for her to die? What if I put her down and she dies alone?” Sarah allowed herself to cry for the first time since she’d come home. Helen gently placed an arm around Sarah; it wasn’t easy seeing as she was also holding Angelina.
“The only thing you can do is love her Sarah. Take one day at a time” Sarah thought about it, gently trailing a finger over Angelina’s tiny cheek.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:14:07 GMT 1
part 16
The next few weeks were both that happiest and the saddest in Sarah’s life. She couldn’t be happier with the fact she was a new-mummy despite Angelina’s problems. Angelina was an alert baby, she wasn’t very active and she hadn’t grown much but she was a happy child most of the time with the most amazing smile. After the first night, Sarah knew she had to make the most of the time she had with her daughter. Claire and Dan were brilliant. When they weren’t at school, they spent a lot of time with Sarah and Angelina. Dan could get the biggest smile out of the baby.
Inevitably Angelina grew sicker, as the right side of her heart couldn’t compensate for the failing left side and began to fail. Her tiny body became puffy as it filled with water it couldn’t eliminate and her breathing was laboured because her lungs were becoming waterlogged. Dr Kennedy brought her some diuretics and she progressed slightly but it was obviously only a temporary improvement. The prospect of losing her was now a terrifying reality, brought home forcefully when Dr Kennedy brought them some Morphine for her. It was then that Helen arranged for her sister to look after Claire and Dan until the dreaded event happened.
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Sarah and Helen stayed up all the next night with Angelina because she was so obviously failing. At about 3 in the morning the little girl picked up a little bit wanting a feed, Sarah hoped that this meant her beloved daughter would be with them a little bit longer but it wasn’t meant to be. Her breathing grew laboured and she was fighting for every breath. Sarah held her closer to her waiting in anguish for her to stop struggling.
“This is it isn’t it Helen?” Sarah looked at her friend, her eyes a mixture of pain, sadness and happiness. Helen nodded sadly, unsure of how much more of this she could watch. She had become so attached to the little girl. Sarah looked out of the window; she could see a fine white dust falling from the sky. Angelina’s breathing was so quiet now it was barely audible. She was obviously slipping away. Sarah gently kissed her baby daughter’s forehead
“I love you baby but you don’t have stay for me. Its time to fly sweetheart, time to go back where you belong, my little angel” Angelina opened her eyes, checking for confirmation that it was ok to go. The baby girl smiled knowing they were giving her permission to go. She closed her tiny eyes, and gradually her breathing stopped. Just as the winter sun rose of Letherbridge, Angelina died in her mother’s arms. Helen left Sarah alone, she rang her colleagues and broke the news to them before ringing Louise, and she asked her sister not to tell Dan and Claire. She wanted to do that herself later. Sarah stayed in the room holding her daughter close to her chest, wondering why the sun rose when her daughter was gone. Sarah knew that this was the real first day of her life. She’d just lost the most precious gift she’d ever been given. Gently Sarah kissed the baby’s forehead.
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Post by Katrina on Jun 17, 2005 18:15:11 GMT 1
Epilogue
One week after the awful day when Angelina died, Sarah stood looking out of the window of her bedroom. The night sky was jet black but as she looked closer Sarah noticed something. One tiny star twinkling brightly in the black. A smile played on her lips. She knew who that star was. Sarah called out; a few seconds later Helen, Claire and Dan appeared at her side.
“See that star there” the three nodded as Sarah spoke “that’s Angelina” Claire smiled and waved at the star
“Hello Angelina. I hope you like heaven” the child spoke so sincerely, tears slipped down Sarah and Helen’s face. Dan put his arm around his little sisters shoulders as her lips began to tremble.
“I bet she really likes heaven Claire, because she’s no longer in pain” he looked up at his mum. “And whenever we’re sad or miss her, we can look out of the window and see her cos she’ll always be in the sky watching us” Sarah smiled slightly. Then she looked back out of the window.
“I love you Angelina, you’ll always be in my heart. Bye-bye baby”
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the end
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