|
Post by iheartdaniel on Jul 25, 2012 14:32:14 GMT 1
Cherry and Daniel
Thankfully it had been a busy morning leaving Cherry little time to wallow in self pity at feeling so ill. As the patients filtered through her room during the morning clinic she couldn’t stop Elaine’s words consuming her thoughts. She could not stop imagining herself stood heavily pregnant in her uniform.
As the clinic drew to an end Cherry had a spare half an hour thanks to a few cancellations. A baby. Daniel’s baby. No, it couldn’t be possible she tried to convince herself. The situation was complicated enough without adding a pregnancy into the mix. Cherry thought back to the first night she had spent with Daniel, remembering her nostalgically looking at a photo of Daniel with his young son and wishing they were her family but now she was confronted with this reality she realised that a baby was the last thing she wanted at the moment and certainly not with her estranged husband’s best friend whom she had been having an affair with for a matter of weeks. She climbed down from the patient bed and grabbed her bag and coat. She had to see Daniel.
She breezed through reception, ‘I’ve got to pop home just now Karen. There’s a problem at the house. I’ll be back in plenty of time for afternoon surgery.’ She left no time for questions, she could think up a convoluted cover story on her return. She got into her car and let out a deep sigh, just how had she got herself into thus mess she wondered as she gripped the wheel tightly and rested her forehead against the cold leather of the wheel. How on earth would she explain this to Jimmi. Even to Daniel. She had no idea what she was going to say to him but knew that he was the only person that could help her at this moment.
She began the short journey to the campus planning how she would explain her presence to Mrs Tembe who would doubtless provide the full inquisition as to Nurse Clay’s unexpected visit. No, she couldn’t go to the Campus for Mrs Tembe and Karen would see that the information was circulated with speed around her colleagues. She was guessing that her sickness this morning had already been communicated so she didn’t want to draw any more attention to her self by conducting hushed discussions with Daniel.
She pulled into her driveway and headed inside, dropping her bag and keys as soon as she was over the threshold. She scrolled through her phone and reached Daniel’s number and hit dial.
‘Hello gorgeous!’ Daniel answered. ‘Still feeling the effects of last night?! Changed your mind about Dr Granger kissing it better?!’ Daniel chuckled to himself, clearly impressed with his witticisms. As soon as she heard his voice, the tears began to fall and her voice began to quiver. ‘Oh Daniel. We really need to talk. I need your help’ Daniel began to panic on hearing her voice broken with crying. ‘Why? What’s happened? Come on, don’t cry gorgeous.’ ‘We’ve done something terrible. Everyone’s going to hate us.’ Cherry gave into her emotion and began to sob. ‘Listen,’ Daniel whispered so as not to be heard. ‘I know things seem bad but you can’t think of it like that. Don’t we deserve to be happy, come on. You know we’ve been miserable for months.’ ‘But Daniel, I think I might be pregnant.’ A long silence followed the bombshell. ‘W-what. No. No, you can’t be. That doesn’t make sense. No, you’re not, you can’t be.’ Daniel spluttered unsure whether he was trying to convince Cherry or himself. ‘Listen, you’ll need to be quiet. You can’t talk like that at work. What if someone overhears.’ ‘I know. I know that so I was going to come over to the campus but thought better of it and came home. Can you get away to come over?’ It wasn’t so much a question as a command. ‘I’m on my way.’
***
‘Just popping out for lunch, got a few errands to run Mrs T.’ Daniel explained rushing through reception holding a pile of envelopes aloft. ‘Ah Dr Granger, can you post these while you are there…’ As she turned back holding the letters he was gone.
The journey to Cherry’s was short. Daniel couldn’t have another baby. For goodness sake he already had two children and hadn’t exactly provided them the ideal beginnings in life. He didn’t need to ruin another child’s life. It broke his heart that he missed all the important milestones in Izzy’s life, that every time he saw her she had learned to do something new or had developed more of a personality. He knew he was less than useless when it came to Joe, the little boy didn’t need him. He didn’t want to become an absentee father to another child. A child with his best friend’s wife. Even given Daniel’s track record that was low. He shook himself. Why was he even entertaining these thoughts. There was noway Cherry could be pregnant, they couldn’t be that unlucky.
He let himself into her home and found her pacing up and down in the kitchen sobbing. ‘Hey, come on. There’s no need for this.’ He said gently enveloping her in his arms and kissing the top of her head as she sobbed into his chest. They stayed there for a minute, both just trying to contemplate the gravity of the possible situation. Cherry pulled away, wiping her eyes before pouring herself a glass of water. ‘Listen sweetheart,’ Daniel said placing a had on the small of her back, ‘we had an awful lot to drink last night and for you it was essentially on an empty stomach.’ He continued. ‘You just have a really bad hangover. You’re not used to drinking like we did last night, especially not when you’ve eaten next to nothing and have to head to work on only a few hours sleep. I mean, you still feel sick now so it’s hardly morning sickness is it?’
Daniel’s words made sense. After all, she had drunk copious amounts of alcohol last night. ‘You think? I mean I did mix my drinks too I suppose. There was a hell of a lot of wine, then that disgusting bourbon when we got home.’
‘Exactly.’ Daniel rubbed her back before sitting himself down at the kitchen table. ‘You’re just sleep deprived so you’re not 100% anyway and you’ve let your thoughts run away with you.’ ‘I know, you’re right. Of course you’re right.’ Cherry walked over to Daniel and stroked his hair as he put his arms around her. ‘It was just when Elaine and Karen said it this morning it really scared me and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Of course I’m not pregnant!’
Daniel pulled back from her, ‘Elaine and Karen? What have they got to do with it?!’ He exclaimed. ‘You know what they’re like, if there’s anything going on they’re right there in the thick of it, trying to get the gossip. They practically ambushed me in the toilets when I was being sick.’
It was Daniel’s turn to do the pacing up and down now. ‘Right. Oh god. Well what do you think would be best to do next? I think you should just go back to work and act as though everything is normal and tomorrow hopefully there will be a new source of gossip.’
*** As Daniel stopped to post the pile of envelopes he noticed his wallet lying in the passenger foot well. It was sitting open with a picture of Izzy beaming while holding a newborn Joe the first time she had been able to come to the hospital to visit him. He knew he hadn’t been the best father up ‘til now. Something needed to change, he couldn’t continue the way he was. He didn’t want to be estranged from his children as they got older. While he had managed to convince himself while at Cherry’s house that she wasn’t pregnant he began to reflect on the possibility that she could be. She was a young, healthy woman – he was clearly the most fertile man in Letherbridge- she could be pregnant; they certainly hadn’t been very careful. Neither had chosen to discuss their recklessness for then the possibility became all too real. In that moment he made a promise to himself. If Cherry was pregnant he was going to do the right thing. He really liked Cherry, they could make a go of it, be a proper family. He had to step up this time and be the father that each of his children deserved.
|
|
|
Post by iheartdaniel on Jul 26, 2012 14:27:38 GMT 1
Zara
The last thing Zara needed following the revelation she had overheard in the ladies’ toilets was a quiet day. She needed something to take her mind of the gut wrenching idea of Daniel getting Cherry pregnant as a result of their sordid affair. No emergency homevisits were requested so that left Zara with a mountain of paperwork to catch up on, alone in her consulting room with only these terribvle thoughts for company. She sat facing her computer screen calling up the necessary patient records up but was unable to concentrate on the task in hand as she was overcome with anger and pain at what might lie ahead. Her eye caught the photo of Daniel holding a newborn Joe that she had in the silver frame on her desk. She studied Daniel’s face hard. She remembered the day they had brought their little miracle home and recalled the joy they had both felt. The expression on Daniel’s face was genuine, she always knew that he had secretly longed for their baby to be a boy and to have his son at home was a very special moment for Daniel, especially given all they had been through just to get to that moment. Zara didn’t see the same joy or enthusiasm in Daniel’s eyes anymore when he was with Joe. It wasn’t as though he did not love him but she knew there was a sadness that inhabited Daniel that prevented him enjoying fatherhood. Zara didn’t understand this; her bond with Joe had been instant and she relished every single second she was able to spend with her baby. Zara did feel a degree of guilt for she knew she had been difficult to live with following Joe’s arrival. She had this all consuming need to control and oversee every aspect of the child’s life and she knew that she had to accept blame for pushing Daniel out. She hated the way she often found herself chastising him for doing things wrong, putting him down or commenting how Joe loved his Mummy more. She knew that their troubles weren’t one sided but she could not fathom how Daniel had given up on their son so quickly? He had met a difficulty in his relationship and his first thought had been to seek solace, or rather sex, with another woman. Was he just going to move on and start a new family somewhere else everytime there was a bump in the road?
She thought of all the times they had sat together in her office talking of their hopes for a baby together. How Daniel had been so strong when their first attempt at IVF had failed, how ecstatic they had been when Zara had fallen pregnant with Joe. Their journey to Joe had been long and painful, it hadn’t been easy and had pushed them to limits at times but it had all been worth it to have their perfect little boy at the end. She thought of how wanted Joe had been, how the thing she desired most in the world had been the very thing that evaded her and by contrast here was Cherry who had slept with Daniel a mere handful of times and had found herself pregnant. It devalued everything Zara and Daniel and been through together. She hated Cherry for being able to have so easily what Zara had had to battle so hard for and now she was going to have the life that was meant to be Zara’s.
Zara wasn’t naïve, she didn’t deign to think that she had ‘changed’ Daniel, despite Julia and Joe’s willingness to attribute Daniel’s reformed nature to her. It was clichéd to think that she had been able to erase Daniel’s flaws and mould him into a family man. Rather they had grown together. As clichéd as it sounded they had found something in each other that made them want to be better people.; they had grown up and eveolved together. While this was the kind of overblown sentimentality that would usually make Zara recoil it was true. She had never loved a man like she loved Daniel. She wanted to make a family with him, for them to be forever. She felt complete with Daniel, there was nothing else she really wanted from life – this was especially true when she fell pregnant with Joe. Similarly, it was a great disservice to Daniel to attribute his reformed nature to Zara. Similarly he had found someone who made everything else seem inconsequential. Zara had known that Daniel was infatuated with her, so deeply in love with her that he would do anything for her for a long time before she was able to admit the feeling was mutual. It had scared her how much she had made her self become vulnerable to another person. As bad as things had been for some months now she had never envisaged that there might not be a light at the end of all this, but now Zara was faced with the very real possibility that she would be facing life as a single parent. The hurt she felt at Daniel’s rejection was indescribable; it made her physically ill. As the image of Daniel standing beside a pregnant Cherry , Joe and Izzy at their feet revisited her she felt a wave of sickness and was forced to dash to the ladies toilets that had been the scene of today’s anguish.
*** Zara loved leaving work and being greeted by baby Joe but even more than usual she was looking forward to cuddling her baby. Once the nanny had left Zara set about getting on with Joe’s evening routine, if nothing else it helped distract her from thinking about what was could be next for her and Daniel. As she fed the little boy and bathed him she became angrier at all the special moments in Joe’s life Daniel was willingly forfeiting for illicit meetings with his mistress. She was disgusted with him.
Daniel did not return til around eight o’clock that evening. This wasn’t unexpected as he had been scheduled to have a Granger Clinic this evening. Zara didn’t even care if this was the truth or a lie anymore she was so used to it. As he walked into the kitchen he set about looking to see if Zara had prepared him anything for dinner.
‘Are you not even going to ask about Joe?’ Zara’s words were cold. ‘It’s gone eight, I know he’ll already be fast asleep.’ Daniel replied somewhat blindsided by Zara’s question. ‘Oh so that’s how it is, is it? You just wait until you know he’ll be asleep then you come home. Saves you the effort that way I suppose.’ Zara reached across the table for the bottle of red wine that she had taken to having a glass of most evenings. It was clear that Zara was spoiling for a fight. ‘I was working, you know earning the money to keep the roof over his head.’ Daniel was quite used to being the target of Zara’s abuse. She snorted at his reply as he headed over to the fridge, grabbing a beer. ‘His routine is exacted with such military precision of course I don’t expect to see him when I’m working late.’ He began to walk out the kitchen adding, ‘you’ve made sure to that’ under his breath. Zara rose from her chair, ‘and what the hell is that supposed to mean?! If I didn’t look after him who on earth would, you’ve made it abundantly clear that you are disinterested in Joe.’
Daniel stopped dead in his tracks, Zara was clearly looking for a reaction and goodness was she about to get one. ‘Do you actually hear yourself?! I don’t get a look in when it comes to Joe. Lets face it, I had you figured out that day in your office when you made that powerpoint presentation; all I ever was was a sperm donor.’ Zara was speechless at his words, the way he looked at her made her heart hurt. She looked deep into his eyes and saw the sadness she was so used to seeing before his fling with Cherry. ‘How can you say something so…so…hurtful.’ ‘You know what they say Zara, the truth hurts doesn’t it.’ There was a pause while they both just stood, silently acknowledging that now was the time for them to address the deep seated problems in their relationship. ‘It’s not nice is it Zara, to have someone be so vile to you. To question your integrity is it?’ Zara’s eyes began to sting with tears, she harshly brushed them away, ‘of course it’s not true. You know it’s not true. It’s not like that, it never was, and you know it.’ They were stood in the hallway facing each other, silence filing the room as they contemplated their words. ‘You know what, I honestly don’t know anymore.’ Daniel put his hand to his forehead and turned away from Zara before wiping his eyes. As he turned away it flicked a switch in Zara, she felt like she’d already lost him. He’d gone, he wasn’t her Daniel anymore. ‘Don’t put this on me. Be a man for once in your life Daniel, if you don’t want to be a father, if it ties you down doesn’t quite fit with the image just admit it!’ ‘Be a man. Now isn’t that ironic. I thought I was just one of the hired help, someone that could watch the baby if everyone else was busy, you know pick up your drycleaning, prepare your dinner. One of the staff.’ They’d fought many times before but this felt different, there was no filter. ‘Of course I want to be his father, I just never get the chance you don’t let me near. You just don’t get it do you?!’ ‘Never get the chance, you’re never here?! You’re not going to find a relationship with Joe at the gym or at the bottom of a pint glass in the Icon.’ Zara couldn’t bear to hear Daniel blame her for his inability to form a bond with Joe. Daniel walked into the living room, pacing while having a few swigs from the beer bottle he had been carrying. Zara stood in the hallway contemplating what to do next. She had felt for sometime that Daniel may be suffering from PND but this conversation didn’t seem to have even acknowledged there was an issue. So much had already been said there was no going back now. Zara had a large gulp of red wine before following him into the living room. ‘Listen Daniel, I need to ask you something and I want you to think about it.’ Daniel stopped pacing, his stomach instantly knotted expecting her to question him about his relationship with Cherry., he was unable to suppress the horror he was sure had spread across his face. ‘Do you think that perhaps you might be struggling to bond with Joe? That maybe you might have PND?’ Daniel certainly hadn’t been expecting that. He sat down on the couch placing his head in his hands. This was typical Zara, deflecting any kind of responsibility. She couldn’t seem to see that there were problems between them ‘Do you really think things are that simple? That we can just slap a label on this whole sorry mess, maybe get me some pills and all will be fine here? You know I just can’t do this anymore, I’ve taken the fall for so long. I’m so tired of being at the end of your rants, the person you blame for everything. Yes, of course I can admit that there is a problem here but you don’t seem to see it at all…’ Zara broke in ‘that’s not what I’m saying at all, Daniel listen to me…’ ‘No that’s typical Zara everything’s black and white. I don’t quite fit the picture so you’ll just get rid of me. You know Zara I think you’re missing the point. You say I’m never here, well is it any wonder when all I’m confronted with is a cold hearted bitch!’ Daniel had seen red. All the stress of today, dealing with the possibility of Cherry being pregnancy had gotten on top of him and it was unfortunate that on a day when both their emotions were running high had been the time for their argument. Almost as soon as the words left his mouth he felt ashamed for being drawn into the vitriolic slanging match. Zara stood across from him tears now running freely down her face. She hated that he had the ability to hurt her so much with his words. Now she really was speechless. Daniel sat back down on the couch, again placing his head in his hands contemplating the ugly scene that had just taken place. ‘What’s happened to us Z? When did we become so hard, so ugly and hateful.’ It took everything Zara had not to rush over and breakdown in his arms, she couldn’t let herself be so vulnerable to him anymore. They’d become so toxic. ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know.’ Zara whispered before turning and heading up stairs alone.
***
As the hours passed on the clock Daniel sat motionless downstairs in the living room, surrounded by Joe’s toys and photographs of their young family. He knew he’d gone too far, he regretted being so horrid. He’d just wanted to hurt her in that moment the way she had hurt him with her cruel words. Well, in that he had most certainly succeeded.
|
|
|
Post by bec2010 on Jul 30, 2012 21:16:06 GMT 1
Daniel
Daniel lifted the beer bottle, it was down to the dregs and distinctly tepid now but he swigged the remains down all the same. He sighed heavily, what had happened tonight? They had both just hammered the last nail into their relationship, it was over. Daniel wasn’t the kind of man to cry easily. He didn’t like to show any weakness and had been brought up in the generation to believe that men shouldn’t cry. However the tears started to flow thinking about what had he done, if only he hadn’t said what he had to Zara, but in his heart of hearts he knew it was the truth.
He glanced up at the clock, 12:59am; he had being sitting downstairs for close to four hours consumed in his own thoughts. Several options lay before him; he could walk out and start afresh with Cherry, he could walk away on his own or he could stay with Zara, forcing each of them to love the other, pretend nothing had happened. However instead he stayed rooted in the same place, staring at the same photo of the three of them, how happy they all looked… when had it all gone so wrong?
He looked at his phone, displaying 3 news messages from Cherry, this was the last thing he needed. He’d betrayed his girlfriend and his best friend but he couldn’t deny it - there was something between him and Cherry. What was to say that if he started again with Cherry, it would be any better? What if he felt about his and Cherry’s unborn baby the same way he feels about Joe? What if Cherry turned into super mum like Zara? He didn’t even know for sure if Cherry was pregnant but there was a chance, here he was 40 and 3 kids by three different women. What would his children think of him?
He climbed the stairs and opened the door to Joe’s nursery, finding his son all curled up in his blanket with his dummy lying discarded on the cot mattress. Daniel picked him up, gently enough not to waken him and keep him still wrapped in his blanket. As the baby lay peacefully in his arms he thought of how much of Zara he could see in him. He kissed Joe delicately on the head several times and found himself almost confising in his son. He told him how much he loved him, that he was sorry and he promised that he wouldn’t let him down anymore. He stayed for a minute, just gazing at Joe and stroking his little face before eventually placing him back down in his cot. How could he and Zara have created something so perfect amongst the chaos the had turned their own lives into?
Daniel headed across the hallway and into the main bathroom where he splashed his face several times with cold water, hoping that it might provide him with the clarity he needed. Daniel read the messages from Cherry, two asking him how he was and if he had anytime tonight and the final saying that she was still scared she was pregnant. For now he couldn’t deal with it, he turned his phone off, although he could have easily packed his bags and went to her. But he’d really hurt Zara and as much as he thought he felt for Cherry, there still lingered an unbreakable pull to Zara.
He opened the door to their bedroom where Zara lay fast asleep, curled up into the duvet. What had they done to each other he thought as he watched her peaceful in her sleep. He carefully pealed the duvet back and climbed in next to her, she drove him crazy but he still loved her. Their love was reparable but only if they sacrificed who they were as people and such a sacrifice would prove impossible. He could tell she had been crying, the pillow was damp from her tears. For tonight he wanted to pretend it was normal, he wanted to repair some of the damaged that had been created tonight. He reached his arm around her tummy and pulled her in close, tenderly kissing the back of her neck once.
“I’m sorry Zara, I’m so sorry for everything. I love you, I always will. But you know it’s all wrong, and nothing makes me unhappier” he whispered.
**
She was desperate to turn over in bed, tell him that she loved him too and that she would give everything for them to be back to normal, to who they used to be, but it just didn’t work like that. The things he had said to her tonight were awful and had cut her deep, she knew he didn’t really mean them he’d just wanted to hurt her the way she had wanted to say the things to him that would hurt him the most. She knew how was unhealthy their relationship had become, how it was destroying them and she never wanted to get to the point where they truly despised each other for that would be too much to bear. If only they had come to this realisation earlier perhaps they could have stuck a huge plaster over the wound, watched it heal leaving no scar but this last tug of emotions they both had was like trying to revive a dead body, as much as you wanted the person to come back, you knew they had gone.
She clutched his hand, actions spoke louder than words, for they had said enough already. She could just pretend for tonight that all this wasn’t happening, that none of this nightmare was real. She remembered how much she liked having his arm around her, how it made her feel safe.
The more she thought about him, the more she thought about tonight, their relationship, the more she was consumed with emotion. The hate she felt hours earlier seemed to dissolve, she couldn’t even describe her current feelings but he’d really hurt her and she couldn’t deny that. She wasn’t his number one priority anymore, Princess Bubble Gum and their unborn baby were. But for tonight him staying with her, she had the upper hand, an advantage over Cherry.
|
|
|
Post by iheartdaniel on Jul 31, 2012 19:16:07 GMT 1
Cherry
There was no denying that seeing Daniel earlier in the day had done much to allay Cherry’s worries, however it was some hours later now and the creeping doubts were becoming stronger. The more she thought about it the more hollow Daniel’s reassurances seemed for neither had addressed the strong indications that pregnancy was a very real possibility. For two grown adults, moreover two health care professionals, they had been devoutly irresponsible in their failure to take any form of contraception. It wasn’t a conscious decision they had always been so swept up in the moment that it had never even really been a consideration. But now all Cherry could think of was how their recklessness could have such devastating ramifications. Yes. Her relationship with Jimmi was all but over and Daniel and Zara were at breaking point but the introduction of a baby into the mix would just compound the hurt that was bound to occur when knowledge of their affair got out.
Cherry’s mind was whirring at a million miles an hour thinking about babies, arguments, divorces and how on earth she would manages to explain the events her life had taken to her parents and friends. She left the couch where she had been seated in front of a documentary but she was so preoccupied she had not taken a single second of it in. Walking into the kitchen Cherry picked at the grapes atop the fruit bowl on the counter, as if on autopilot she headed for the fridge to pour herself a glass of chilled pinot grigio to relax. She was half way through pouring the glass before she realised what she was doing and poured the contents down the sink. She picked up her phone: no new messages. She’d texted Daniel some hours earlier, she needed to see him to have a proper discussion about what on earth they were going to do. She opened up a new message, she didn’t opt for the same nonchalant invitations as before but the stark message that she still thought she might be pregnant.
Pregnant. How on earth had she got herself into thus mess? It was evident to all that knew her that Cherry was the kind of woman who was born to be a mother. As a little girl her favourite dolly had travelled everywhere with her, she never tried of tending to it. Her maternal instincts were clear, the way she cooed over babies at the surgery, that she was always keen to hold Joe, always willing to babysit. She was the kind of person who loved caring for others and Cherry herself knew that she definitely wanted to have her own child. However, this was the last way she ever thought this supposed blessing would occur. Her marriage may be dead in the water but she was still married to Jimmi and she had completely disrespected him. They’d been in trouble for a while and not once since the day they had married had Cherry thought of the two having a child together, it just hadn’t felt right. Cherry had always thought that when she fell pregnant she would be transported into a blissful state. Visions of picnicking in daisy filled meadows with her attentive partner at her side could not be further from the reality she was now faced with. She was unable to take any enjoyment from the idea of having her own baby as it would born into such a chaotic situation. She didn’t want to have a child that she had to hand over to its father every other weekend, that lived between two homes. She wanted the perfect, traditional little family. Her the stay at home mum to 2.4 children, the loving wife to a devoted husband and father. The current set up couldn’t be further removed from this ideal.
The only positive that had come out of this whole situation was that it had provided Cherry with some clarity in her relationships. Being forced to consider a future forever connected to Daniel scared her. She had loved every single second they ad spent together, it had seemed perfect they way they seemed to connect the way their passion never seamed to wane. However they had not been living in the real world, moving into a domestic family life didn’t seem to have the same allure, only compounded by how much Daniel was floundering in this exact situation with Zara.
She didn’t want to be the woman who just lurched from one disastrous, unhealthy relationship to another- Scott, Jimmi and now Daniel. She didn’t want to trap Daniel, to become pregnant and force him to ‘do the right thing.’ She knew he was a good man and would want to stand by her and support her but she couldn’t become involved in another relationship that was based on such tenuous foundations. If Daniel and her really had something, if they were meant to be it would happen for them anyway. She now knew what she had to do. They had to sort out their own lives and once they were freed from those shackles if they still felt the same, maybe then they could give it a go. Daniel had provided Cherry with so much comfort and helped heal all the hurt she had from her failing marriage. Being with Daniel had shown Cherry that both she deserved more from a relationship than she had with Jimmi. It had reminded her what being in a relationship should be like. Now Jimmi and Cherry just tolerated each other, they found themselves becoming annoyed at the very same quirks that had sparked their relationship in the first place. Cherry still loved Jimmi and couldn’t bar to think of them getting to a point where they were so consumed with hate for each other. But now with what she had done that seemed just a matter of time. As much as being with with Daniel had done for her she now knew that it wasn’t healthy for her to rely so much on another to make her feel better; she had to be able to cope by herself. She’d learned much about herself since Jimmi had left and perhaps what was most telling was the inner strength she had found, she hadn’t crumbled but she’d survived. Daniel had done something very special for her; he’d set her free and for that she would be eternally grateful.
|
|
|
Post by bec2010 on Aug 1, 2012 15:52:23 GMT 1
Cherry
She pulled her car into the car park, the only available space was next to Daniel, who on his other side was Zara, oh the irony. She unfastened her seat belt and sighed, she still hadn’t heard from Daniel despite the several text messages she sent. Cherry looked into the windscreen mirror, adding another coat of mascara and sheer lip-gloss, she’d been up most of the night thinking and needed to look at least awake.
Despite all her thinking last night, her coming to conclusions and realisations, the one thing she couldn’t change was the fact she could be pregnant and she couldn’t ignore it any longer. Today would be the day she would find out, and work wasn’t the best place but she had to know.
Cherry almost in a daze walked into reception, picking up her notes and walking towards her room. She opened the drugs cupboard and picked up one of the tests. Her palm was sweaty as she gripped the packaging tightly, she felt sick, no matter if the baby was Daniels or Jimmi’s it wasn’t what she wanted. She placed the test in her pocket with her hand protecting it and making her way to the toilets. Her head nestled down into her chest and staring blankly at the floor, she didn’t notice him but recognised his shoes, she couldn’t even look up despite him grabbing her arm, she had to keep walking fore she knew if she looked up she would simply break down.
She entered the only empty cubicle and sat on the toilet, she placed her head in her hands it was now or never, why was she doing this here, it could wait till home or could it. He was now ignoring her messages and she would never know what he was about to say to her as he grabbed her arm, before they went any further she had to find out.
Cherry tore the packet, took a deep breath, glaring at the blank test.
|
|
|
Post by bec2010 on Aug 2, 2012 22:03:38 GMT 1
Karen
The morning had nearly reduced Karen to tears. The surgery had had hardly any patients, all of the staff busy, at the campus and working on paper work, it was nearly 11am and she had had no visual or verbal contact with another human being. She started clicking her pen repeatedly, flicked through a magazine and browsed through the appointment list, ah this was agonising. She decided that she would go to the toilet, powder her nose in the hope she would bump into someone on the way. Walking down the corridor she saw all of the signs on the door had been switched to engaged, she really wanted jut to knock on one of the doors, anything for verbal contact. She opened the main toilet door and found it empty, oh for good sake she thought to herself, she knew they were all busy but they couldn’t have been this busy. She looked into the mirror, oh not another grey, she really needed her hair dyed and cut. She started prodding and preening herself in the mirror, she hadn’t aged badly but just wished she looked better for her age. Applying another coat of mascara and another coat of lipstick, mutton dressed as lamb sprung to mind, the lipstick was too much. She reached into one of the cubicles and took some toilet tissue from the dispenser, and that’s when she noticed it. The stick of white plastic on the floor, she knew it couldn’t be an applicator, the blue cover on one end gave it away, it could only be a pregnancy test. She turned it over, and in the small window displayed the word “Pregnant” Karen sharply inhaled and let out a small squeal, this made up for the lack of excitement this morning. The only female staff in today was her, Elaine, Zara, Cherry and Mandy. Quickly going through the list she ruled out herself and Elaine, Mandy was a lesbian, Zara well she specifically remembered her saying Joe was her last chance of being a parent. She gasped again, remembering the conversation a few days previous, Cherry. Cherry was pregnant. She couldn’t wait the half an hour until lunchtime to tell anyone, she had to tell someone now. Cherry and Jimmi becoming parents, this might be the thing that brings them back together, she had to find someone to tell now. Walking along the corridor, still with the positive test in her hand, who could she tell? Elaine, she could tell Elaine. She burst into the consulting room, and before she could do anything the words came flowing out of her mouth “You were right, Cherry is pregnant” As soon as she finished her bought of verbal diarrhoea, she noticed a shocked Elaine and Daniel who had been in discussion over a patient. Daniel looked horrified, his face had drained of colour and a panicked look on his face. Before Karen could apologise for bursting in, Daniel had already excused himself out of the room. ‘Karen!’ Elaine exclaimed shaking her head while trying to comprehend the chaos Karen had just unleashed. ‘Oh god, I didn’t know he was in here!’ Karen said leaning against the corner of Elaine’s desk, the door still ajar. ‘Did you see the look on Daniel’s face? Things must be so much worse between Cherry and Jimmi than she’s been letting on. Poor girl, left holding the baby.’ Elaine nodded in silent approval. ‘It’s all a bit of a mess now. Daniel’s in a bit of an awkward position now. I doubt Jimmi knows…’ Elaine trailed off, the whole situation was a bit of a tricky one. ‘Listen Karen, it’s only fifteen minutes ‘til lunch shall we head out to the Icon before you can do anymore damage?!’ Elaine teased. ‘Everyone’s just doing paperwork now anyway, I’m sure we wont be missed.’ The doctor picked her handbag up from beneath her desk and ushered her out of the consulting room. As Elaine turned to close her door she noticed Zara standing there. ‘Oh Zara, you made me jump! Karen and I are just popping out to the Icon for lunch it’s been a quiet morning so we thought we’d nip out early.’ Zara just nodded. ‘Don’t suppose we can tempt you away?’ Elaine only offered sure in the knowledge Zara would offer some remark conferring her disdain at the thought of sharing lunch with the two women. A long pause followed before Elaine reached out and patted Zara’s arm as if to encourage a reply. ‘Em, no. No I wont thanks.’ And before Elaine could enquire if Zara was ok, she had already disappeared back along the corridor towards her own room. *** Zara rushed back along the corridor to her room, quickly closing the door behind her before standing against the cold hard doorframe. She looked up at the ceiling trying to prevent the tears that had been stinging at her eyes but it was in vain as they trickled down her cheeks. Her stomach was knotted, she felt sick, she couldn’t comprehend what she had just heard. Pregnant. Cherry pregnant. It was as though someone, no not someone, but Daniel had taken a dagger to her heart. The pain was unbearable. Zara picked up her bag and headed through the deserted reception area to her car.
|
|
|
Post by iheartdaniel on Aug 7, 2012 21:00:48 GMT 1
Daniel
Daniel rushed across the corridor into his own room, he needed a moment to try and take in what he had just found out. He threw the papers in his hand down hard on the desk and placed his hands on the desk, bending down, letting it take his weight. As he was bent over looking at the floor his eye noticed a small cream teddy bear with a big blue gingham bow around its neck on the floor, he made a fist and banged it hard against the desk three times letting out a groan as he did. He slumped back in his chair, putting his hands to his head, he had tried to avoid this possibility for the last few days but now the information was impossible to ignore. As much of a mess this situation was it was real and it wasn’t just going to disappear in time so he knew what he had to do.
He knocked the door to Cherry’s room before entering to find her reaching up into one of the cupboards. He moved across the room grabbing the box of dressings for her and placing them on the side. ‘Listen Cherry, I’m sorry about last night. Things got pretty heated and…well what I’m trying to say is I’m sorry for ignoring you I just wouldn’t have been any use to you last night anyway.’ ‘It’s ok Daniel, I know things are complicated. I get it.’ She looked at him fleetingly before turning back to the clipboard where she was noting down supplies for re-order. ‘Anyway you were right last night, we do need to talk. There is so much we need to figure out and needs to be…’ ‘Daniel,’ Cherry broke in ‘it’s ok I..’ ‘No Cherry.’ He said walking across to her and taking her by the hands and leading her across to the patient bed. ‘Please just let me say what I need to say first. Just sit down and give me a second.’ ‘Ok,’ she said softly as she seated herself across from him on the bed.
‘I know we’ve got ourselves into a complete mess and things have suddenly gotten very real but I just want you to know that I really care about you. I know I may not be what you’d hoped and dreamed for, god knows I’ve made so many mistakes, but I want you to know how special you are.’ ‘Daniel,’ Cherry put her hand on his arm and tried to cut in. Daniel’s thoughts were so confused, his mind so unsure in what he was doing that he knew he had to get it out now before he had time to waver. ‘I know that having a child with someone is the biggest commitment you can make, that this is perhaps the most irresponsible and confused way it could have ever have happened but despite all that I’m here for you. We can make this work, I’ll stand by you, be there for you whatever you need. I don’t want you to think I’m going to abandon you. We can do this together of that’s what you want. We can be a family.’ ‘Daniel!’ Cherry tried again to interject but Daniel just kept on going. ‘I know you might not love me right now but I promise you that’ll ill show you that this will be good for us. I really do care about you so much. That I’ve been a horrible Dad before but I want to be a better person, I want to be better, to do it right this time with you and our baby.’ He removed his hands from around hers and reached up to tenderly caress her face, the relief that he had managed to say what he knew he had to was spread across his face.
Cherry held Daniel’s hand and tenderly kissed it as she started to speak. ‘Daniel, really those were some of the most beautiful words I think anyone has ever said to me and goodness knows it would have been exactly what I needed to hear, but the thing is I did a test this morning, I just couldn’t wait any longer. I’m not pregnant Daniel; we’re not having a baby together.’ Daniel exhaled heavily, ‘oh thank god. Oh thank goodness.’ Cherry smiled as she kissed the top of Daniel’s head as he slumped down on his arms either side of her. ‘I know I just said all those things, that everything was going to be fine but really inside I was panicking. I mean it was hardly an ideal situation to say the least.’
‘I know. I know.’ Cherry said turning towards Daniel as he joined her on the patient bed. ‘It doesn’t bear thinking about how much hurt and anguish there would be if I was – you know.’ ‘I know. As soon as I heard Karen tell Elaine that you were –‘ Cherry didn’t let him continue this time. ‘Karen and Elaine? What? How would they even have known?!’ ‘You know what Karen’s like. She burst into Elaine’s room waving about a positive pregnancy test, she was about to explode you know what she’s like. She was waffling on about the conversation she’d had with you last week and how they’d been right that you were indeed pregnant.’ Thinking back to it now the scene was almost comical, not that Daniel had noticed in the moment. ‘I love Karen but really!’ Cherry wasn’t seeing the humour in the situation that Daniel could now appreciate. ‘Daniel, I need my turn to talk now. I just want you to listen to me, ok?’ He nodded as she began to talk. ‘Last night I did a lot of thinking, about you and me, about Jimmi. My marriage was over sometime ago, I think after all that has happened that’s clear. Being with you has been really special to me, really quickly I realised that it was more than just physical that there is something between us. Now that we know I’m not pregnant, I think it’s telling that we are both so incredibly relieved. The situation is a complete mess, it’s become so sordid - I don’t want that. I don’t want that to be our relationship. I don’t want to be the other woman. I can’t do that to Joe, to Zara – they don’t deserve that. And you know, I think I deserve more than that too. As do you. I think this scare has given us the jolt we need, don’t you agree?’ Cherry did not pause for an answer, Daniel’s face said all she needed to hear. ‘This may have started out by trying to make ourselves feel better by being together but now things have gone so far that it’s only making things worse. We need to sort our own lives out. I need time to, as horribly clichéd it may sound, come to terms with the end of my marriage. Jimmi and I need to sort things out rather than all this uncertainty.’ A silence filled the room. Cherry had perfectly expressed herself, there was now doubt as to what was next for the pair. ‘As strange as this may sound I don’t regret everything we’ve done. You’re special to me too. It’s kind of given me some clarity.’ ‘It’s all such a mess isn’t it?’ Daniel didn’t quite know what to say to Cherry. He wasn’t good with words in situations like this. ‘You know maybe in the future once we’ve sorted out our own lives, maybe there might still be something there. Maybe we could give it a go, do it properly, but not now it’s not right. It’s really unhealthy to rely on each other to get through all the horrible, bad stuff.’ ‘I know, you’re right. I think we’ve both known that for a while now.’ Daniel nodded, it really did make sense. He got up from the bed and adjusted cuffs that were rolled up to his elbows to distract from the awkwardness. Cherry stood up and they enjoyed a last hug, Daniel gently kissing the top of her hair. ‘Daniel,’ she said her head still buried deep in his chest, ‘I think you’re still in love with Zara. ’ Neither said anything for a while. As they broke apart they shared a lingering glance as Daniel left the room. As he stood alone in the corridor he was able to take in what Cherry had said. He knew she was right. He knew what he had to do.
|
|
|
Post by iheartdaniel on Aug 13, 2012 19:58:29 GMT 1
Daniel
In some bizarre way his dalliance with Cherry had provided some kind of clarity in his relationship with Zara. Cherry was right, he did love Zara, he loved her more than anything. Despite all the horrible things they had said and done towards each other over the last few months he had never really contemplated there being a time when they were no longer a couple. It was more than residual love, it wasn’t just the kind of love he had for her as the mother of his child but a deep love that went right to his core.
For so long it had been easy to blame Zara for the way Daniel had felt about parenthood but he now knew how wrong that had been not just for her but for him too. For too long he’d found it simpler to explain the lack of a bond with Joe on Zara’s eagerness and the way she had taken to motherhood. Yes, Zara was a control freak but that wasn’t the sole explanation for Daniel’s own issues, he could now see that he not only needed to but wanted to talk to someone about his issues.
It must have been hard for Zara to watch Daniel struggle to establish a bond with the baby they had longed for. She had been deprived of the partner you expect to be able to share all the wonderful newness of parenthood with, to enjoy the first smile and first roll over with. As much as Daniel knew that if there were ever to be a future for him and Zara together he would need to admit his problems with Joe it was more than that. The possibility of fathering another child in undesirable circumstance had triggered some kind of epiphany. Daniel had seen a way out of his turmoil and depressive state and he wanted to fix his relationship with Joe for them, not just to please Zara.
Daniel knew Zara better than anyone and he knew that opening up to Zara about his affair with Cherry may go someway to unburdening his own guilt but it would place a gap between the two that could never be bridged. Zara wasn’t the kind of passive partner who could forgive and simply move on, she’d been hurt so many times before by men and Daniel knew that she’d finally softened and let down her barriers for him so for him to describe in lurid detail his betrayal was not an option. He knew that Zara more than suspected there was another woman but it was something she chose not to address. Zara was complicated and as much as he felt that confessing would be the logical step to mending the relationship, for him and Zara it work in a completely opposite way.
As the afternoon wore on Daniel had to stop himself several times from dialling Zara’s number and spilling out all that he needed to say to her to convince her that the bad times were over and they were going to be ok. This wasn’t the kind of conversation they should be having over the phone it needed to be face to face. It was a strange feeling for Daniel to be so eager to get home at the end of the day, after months of darkness it was like a weight had been lifted and he had finally seen the light. It was Zara, it had always been Zara and it always would be.
|
|
|
Post by bec2010 on Aug 15, 2012 21:40:04 GMT 1
Zara As she penned the last few words, the final full stop, it was over. She had to protect herself and her own, she couldn’t believe one woman, and an average woman looking to say the most had come between them, and had stolen the love of her life’s heart. Zara still couldn’t believe that, that woman was Cherry. She placed the pen down on the writing pad, wiped the tears away from her eyes and picked up Joe, pulling him close into her chest and kissed the top of his head. She should be feeling blessed, grateful and joyful, she had the things she never thought possible, children. For she had to face, it was the child part of the relationship that had killed Daniel the most, the feeling he wasn’t needed and the feeling that Zara could do it alone, and he had admitted it, she made him feel like a sperm donor, she couldn’t keep putting him through that. She picked up her hand bag and Joe, looking back into their home, he really had tried but she felt it just no more than a house and an awful one at that. Closing the wooden door brought back many memories, from when her and Daniel were merely courting, to their fake relationship for the sake of Izzy, the moment of revelation that had happened upstairs at Cherry’s infamous dinner party and finally welcoming Joe into their lives. She sighed deeply, holding her breath, she couldn’t cry again. This wasn’t the time for fighting, and she knew if Daniel stayed now, his heart would be torn, he couldn’t walk away from his children but yet he couldn’t give them all, his all. Zara placed Joe into the baby seat, giving him a small toy to play with, so unaware of his surroundings and the future he was to face. She herself climbed into the driver’s seat, taking one last glance at the house. This was the strongest she had been in months, no longer feeling suppressed. She put the clutch down and moved the car into reverse, slowly moving off the drive. She’d imagined her in perfect domesticity that Daniel would sweep around the corner, admit it was all a mistake, that he didn’t love Cherry, that he loved her and that Cherry wasn’t pregnant, that they could have their family back, but she knew he was a good man, that he would try his hardest to stand by Cherry, so Zara had to step aside, she could and would cope alone with Joe.
|
|
|
Post by iheartdaniel on Aug 23, 2012 14:51:54 GMT 1
Daniel
As Daniel pulled into the driveway he noticed the space next to his was empty. It was unlike Zara to disrupt Joe’s routine like that but given recent happenings perhaps it wasn’t the surprise it had initially seemed. As he’d driven home Daniel had thought about making a detour to a florists, picking out a bouquet of Zara’s favourite orchids but had quickly dismissed the idea. He didn’t want this to look like some guilty apology for that would trivialise the sentiment. This wasn’t to be some kind of hearts and flowers routine but they needed to have a frank and honest discussion. Daniel’s words that he had made some terrible mistakes and said some horrendous things but that he loved Zara with all his heart, that what he wanted more than anything was for them to be a family needed to be the focus. This wasn’t a case of Daniel going back to Zara after being given the brush off by Cherry it was him coming to his senses eventually and realising what meant the most to him and endeavouring to mend some of the damage that had been done. In the car he had thought long and hard about how Zara was going to react, did she even love him anymore? He felt disgusted with himself, at the vitriol he had subjected her to the other evening she didn’t deserve that. The look in her eyes when he’d thrown those accusations at her told him all he needed to know. Of course she loved him, that’s what had made the words so hideous.
Daniel knew that it wasn’t fair to hold Zara responsible for the way he felt about Joe and about himself as a father. He had been too angry last night to be able to have the frank discussion Zara tried to start but they couldn’t go on ignoring it he was ready to confide in Zara and do whatever it took to get to the place with Joe he was with Izzy. He knew that he had to do whatever it took to get back to the Daniel and Zara they used to be, he loved her with all his heart and how he had ignored that for so long he did not know.
Turning the key in the lock Daniel took a deep breath, summoning up the courage to fight with all he had to win Zara back. The hallway looked different, it was bereft of the pram and carseat that usually rested here. Gone too were the heels Zara kept beside the mirror. Daniel popped his head round the living room door and suddenly it all began to fall into place. The overflowing toybox had been depleted, just a solitary lion lay on the floor. Daniel snatched it up as he dashed upstairs and through the door that had Joe spelled out in little giraffe letters on it. The scene took his breath away. The room no longer looked like Joe’s, the cot was bare, the Moses basket was gone and so too were the little outfits that had hung in rows in the wardrobe. Daniel didn’t need to check their bedroom, he knew what he would find. Instead he headed back down the stairs still clutching the lion but lacking the urgency he had ran upstairs with. The kitchen door was ajar so in he went hoping that this was all a terribly misjudged joke, that Zara would be sitting at the table ready to talk. Instead all that he found was a single sheet of writing paper folded in half with his name scrawled across the front. Just the sight of her handwriting sent shockwaves throughout his body.
Daniel couldn’t read the letter straightaway for as soon as he saw it he knew that those words were going to change his life forever. He sat across from it for what seemed like an eternity, as if time would change the fate of the words inside. Eventually Daniel could stall no longer and opened the piece of paper where a few lines of Zara’s cursive hand adorned the page. Every word stung more than the last as the reality that Zara had gone, taking their son with him began to fully sink in. ‘Daniel, I can’t quite believe it has come to this between us, I’d always thought that we were it, that it would be you and I forever. But we’re destroying each other and I love Joe too much to have him grow up in this toxicity. I don’t want us to get to the point where we hate each other, I just couldn’t bear that. I wish we could go back to who we used to be but I just don’t think that exists any more. We need to be apart for the sake of our son and for each other. We need to do the right thing for once. Z’
As Daniel read the final words on the page over and over again he cursed himself for all the terrible choices he’d made over the last few months. He loved her, he hated that it had taken him so long to realise that their love was the kind of love that endured and was stronger than all the bad things life may throw at them.
Zara truly was the love of his life, how he had ever lost sight of that he just didn’t understand. He remembered back when they’d found out Zara was pregnant and how desperate he had been for her to become his wife. In that moment he couldn’t imagine wanting to spend a single second with another woman other than Zara, how proud and happy he would be for them to make that kind of commitment to one another and cement their family. All afternoon at work Daniel had returned to thoughts of marriage, how that was he wanted from life. It all seemed a cruel joke now. It was Zara. Zara was the one. It had always been Zara, how could he have let it all go so wrong?
Daniel sat alone in the living room that now looked so stark minus Joe’s brightly coloured toys and blankets that had come to adorn the chairs and couch. As much as he had come to resent how their lives had been usurped by baby paraphernalia and mess now that it was gone he missed it for it didn’t feel like home. The old adage of not realising what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone rang through Daniel’s mind, reminding him of his own stupidity in taking two of the people he cared most about in the world for granted. As he sat, the letter in one hand, stroking Joe’s little lion with the other Daniel knew that as much as he wanted to get his phone out and ring Zara, begging her to come back, to give him another chance, let him prove that he could and was the man she needed him to be he knew it was the one thing he couldn’t do. Zara was the love of his life and if what she needed to find happiness and have the life she deserved was to be without Daniel then he would have to respect that no matter the pain it caused him. Zara was everything to him and all he could hope was that one day she would let him show her that he could be that man she deserved for to imagine his life without Zara in it was simply too much. Daniel slumped back on the couch, breathing in Joe’s smell from the lion toy. Atop the fireplace was a delicate silver frame Daniel’s mum had given them and in it was a photo of Daniel and Zara with Izzy and Joe, as it caught Daniel’s glance he felt hot tears sting in his eyes as he came to the bleak realisation that this was it this time, it really was over and for now it certainly looked like there would be no going back.
|
|